That's awful close, but that's not why I'm so hard done by.

I (heart) the fact that Hay-den and Mike Pham are having the sort of romance that happens only inside my head. I want to put the two of them inside a little box and display them to my visitors like I would the Hope diamond, were I in posession of it. I want to make them into stuffed toys with pull strings so that I can distribute them to children, so that children learn early how to say beautiful things to each other.

I think that everyone should hit the link for my friends journals and read the love story for themselves.

Scones were made and consumed, and they didn't turn out half bad. Jeff got flour on his nose.

I just talked to my grandmother, who is slowly deteriorating. Neither one of my grandmothers is going to make it much longer. Thinking about my Florida trip in January makes me very tense because I know that it will very likely be the last time I see either one of them alive. And as much as I might complain about my huge crazy family, I'm a very family-oriented girl and I want them all to stay put.

This is the problem with being the favorite.

So anyway, I feel that I need to do something to make them very proud of me before they die, and I feel that I need to do it very, very soon. There's a deadline here and I don't know what it is.

Sigh. I need Sarah.

My grandmother asked me if I had any new "boyfriends or girlfriends" and the fact that the thought that I might have a girlfriend has crossed my grandmother's mind confuses me. Is she becoming liberal in her old age? Maybe I should tell her I have a tattoo and see.

The weather is changing and my skin is getting dry, and I always hope that I'll be able to shed my skin and become a different girl.

Sometimes, I'm just too sentimental for my own good.

Interlude

Brief discourse with Just Jonny, shiniest cog in the machine:

Jonny: Timing...let's get married. Wanna get married?
samantha: Sure, but you'd have to move to Seattle.
Jonny: I'd rather be violated in the ass with a frying pan handle. Be in Kansas.
samantha: I hate Kansas, and Kansas hates me.

Something that I've noticed since living on my own is that I get to pay attention to my moods. Let me see if I can explain this properly. For whatever reason, I'm almost incapable of being in a bad mood of any sort around people. When I had roomates it was such a production to go be by myself and have them that I didn't very often. Now I do, and I think that this is part of the reason I feel so much more like a whole person here than I did there.

I wish I could speak in the language I think.